Reason

Why? Why do we struggle some days, when we fall down so much? Why do we get back up, even? There are days when I feel like I can take on the world, and there are days when I feel like I'm being held down. Sure, I do have a passion about what I enjoy. I speed cube, I enjoy playing chess, I play piano. Heck, I enjoy doing schoolwork, but it seems so inconsistent on whether I can focus on it for long enough. After all, all this struggle with my failures in addition to continuing what is expected of me, is too much to handle most days. What can keep me motivated? I wish that improvement in said subject matter from before is enough, it certainly isn't. Even if I were to improve enough to be world class with either a Rubik's cube or a chessboard, I still think that it would be a secondary pursuit for me. Even if I was good enough to learn as many majors in any subjects I enjoy, (or if I wanted to) would it be enough to keep me motivated? No. It still wouldn't matter in the end. If anything matters, it would be the people who depend upon me, the people who I rely on like they do with me. I can't motivate myself enough, and even if I could, I wouldn't want to. My family and my friends, they mean everything to me. If I had neither, I wouldn't see any reason to do anything. At this point in time, though, I'm screwing myself up, because of some of the things I struggle with is damaging my relationships. I wish I could say I'm close to a lot of people. I don't think that I could say I have many close friends, I don't have my act together, (well, few of us do) but few are able to be around me much, because either the closest of my friends have their own lives, and are busy, or I'm too prideful to reach out to others and say, "Hey, you do matter to me. I do love you. I do enjoy your company, even if I don't say it most times." So you might be thinking I'm asking for help. I'm not asking for anything. You are free to say what you want, but I just wanted to vent some of the things that have been weighing on me for a while. Please, if you feel this way, and you didn't know that anyone else did, know you aren't alone. No one has it put together as well as they may seem.
*On a side note, don't expect anything in particular posted here, like I've mentioned, there are three things that I enjoy most, which is my music, chess, and speedcubing. You can expect some of each topic eventually, and more and likely, I will talk about poetry here as well, that's something I enjoy writing every now and again.